strange

what I feel is wanderlust
each time I think about it
my limbs succumb

my words are rust.

thinking and thinking (draft 1)

Lately I've come to feel that there isn't much left in the matters of originality or discovery in this world. That all of the potential in humanity has been expended. We've been here too long, we're reaching a point of stagnancy. Post-post-post modernism? What is this shit anyway. It's all be done before, we all feed off one another, taking parts to make a 'new'. I myself have tried many things only to find that I'm a jane of all trades, master of none. Who can run faster than the fastest now? Legs are only meant to go so far in a certain measure of time. Monetary devices grow in worth and thus reduce humanity to slavery, and empires into ruble. As populations grow, we lose our resources. More confusions arise and there are more suicides these days than before, more angst, more of the unsure. And why is this? Maybe all the people that left this world at will have it right? We're all spent, there is nothing left. All we could possibly do now is destroy all that we've built and start again from zero. Depression has become an epidemic, the 'idea of' is contagious. I'm far too impractical for this practical world now. I've lost all if any concern for my future or what I'll be, or where I'll end up. The only place I feel sane, happy or free is in my dreams when I sleep or when I'm with you.

Fall

longing to gavlliant
on the backs of the whitest horses
through the fields where
time can't be bought

from fallen trees

grows new incandescence
the earth and soil
in a binding contract
to rebuild and replenish
to take back what's theirs
the smell of cedar
and rain
the fire is out
but the heart beats on

she smells of sweet wine
and summer song
giving a reason
to carry on

surreal

to even comprehend
what things could go like
if they went accordingly
sufficient occupation
redeaming qualities
i don't even have fingerprints
to distinguish
myself from them

how can i paint myself
how can i capture the sky
i can't rely

I don't feel

like i'm good at anything lately.

running through flowers

up the hill to consolidate
why you're taking too long
to hesitate
i storm out and upward
to the telephone wires
up high for safety now
you yell to me to 'please come down'
but why would i?
why should i?
when you'll only draw blood
so when my wire breaks
i scamper across the gravel & stone
to a scattered cluster of forget me nots
and i begin to tie knots
into every stem
and when more of you come
i'll jump into the water
to swim away
to the bottomless parts
because you can't go
quite as far.

a thought just occured to me

& how i wish
that i could etch
your perfect design
within my self
permanently.

stagnant nights

when i'm lying awake
and i picture your face
it's some kind of stagnant night
where the air moves through the sheets
at a pace similar to then
so i simply reside
in the dim summer light
and am content knowing
that i can see more with my eyes closed
then i ever could when i was with you.

some kind of design

printed on my fingertips
tell you which way I've been
and what days I've seen
Alouette

monster

glassy eyes
peering through a dark and damp window pane
wrecking my skin the only way I know how
from within
and leaving what i know
to try and reconfigure
try to justify
before the roots do wither
i've only drowned up until now
time to swim up
before my lungs forget how to breathe

repertoire

your legs are on either side of me
as you lean forward
lips to my sun-kissed complexion
the back side of your palms
graze my definition
adrift on the clouds of memory
alas leaving what I once knew
there is only me
there is only you
morning light peers through my venetian blinds
dreaded the parting
how long can i last?
how long can i hold my breath...

trails in a forest up the mountain and into the ocean

and I think
time
is a fickle thing
and I know
time
doesn't mean
anything

not when you're out wandering

ceiling tiles

just so that you're aware
of all the stutter steps
that one was not necessary
slight of a smile
in your direction
lost in the distant connection
return to sender
no
i'm picking up and starting over
again
yes again
and you're welcome to join me
if you feel compelled.

Le tour du piste

statues in fill light
sink ships with
a single slight
of their hand
to a match
to a box
in the sand
let's just pretend
that I didn't take it
from you
i'm sorry?
but not really
be angry
with me
there's poison
in the bottle
in the back
of the basement
this is where
i might find my content
ease up on me
my back is taught
and my eyes are shot
i swear i won't come round tomorrow.

Eyes Open

I wake up
from a fantasy world
the one I wander through
each night
the one I can never run in
each night
I saw you again
your dark figure glistening through the light
that was bending branches of pine
your arm around mine
and I stutter
each step
each word
you're still taller than i
but only by a little
and your eyes a perfect reflection of this forest
deep and uncanny
cold and lost in the span of time
something tells me
you can't hear a word i'm saying
so you let go.

seascape

I'm going to collapse into flowers
and let the tide measure the hours.

out like a lamb

one week
and a year ago
i thought you'd know
this opulence
that i've come to expect
is just short of what i seem to get
one week is all it takes
one week for your knees to shake
and rustle like the newly grown leaves
in the faded winter breeze
with the sun on my face
my sunken eyes replace
all of what I thought of you
dear girl, you think i'm writing about you
but it's her that i still can't get to
and who is she?
and who is me?
all that i know is that you're not her
and you never were.

swingset

hey there past
what else is new?
you've come in
you've come through
and yet i only smell stale furniture
in a house too big for home
so i'll dust off the window sill
and peer into the backyard
where you've let the lawn
reach unruly heights
and where any memory of this
takes flight.

late departures

we flew across the world
your face a map for me to see
your head on my shoulder
as your eyes grew less colder
and time was stopped

one year ago from now
my stomach turns
with the though
of what you did
and how you could do it
but something tells me
I might be about to do the same
if I'm not careful